Coming Home

C O M I N G 
H O M E 

She said you are braver than you think 

She said you are more 
She said you are kindness and love 

She said get pissed 

She said your energy is as fluid as your compassion and your openness 

She said you are pure joy 

She said I adore you 

She said you light me up 

 She said you are a flower goddess 

She said you are a vibrant flowerbomb wrapped with the best hugs and kisses 

She said never leave me
She said you light up my entire universe 
She said you are a fucking gift  
She said your spirit has been a guide all retreat 
She said you are pure magic 
She said do you even know half of the power you have to spread joy? 


She said #meetmeatthedock

For the past six months I have been making magic. 

Not the Houdini kind of magic, not the casting spell kind of magic, 

rather the kind of magic that comes from connection. 

The kind of magic that comes from putting yourself out there. 

The kind of magic that comes from opening yourself up to more.

The kind of magic that comes from circling with women. 

I have "circled" with women before or so I thought…
On bedroom floors with nail polish, during sleepovers,
in my college dorm with pizza and beers
on a basketball court during a huddle.

But never in my life have I circled like this. 

What started out as an online connection changed me in a way I never saw coming.
What started out as trying to find a new me, became simply just finding me.


After 6 months of visioning
who I am,
who I am not
and who I want to be,
I found all three.

I found that while I appear to be loud and outgoing, I am actually quite shy. 

I found that while I appear to be flighty and unaware, I know exactly what is going on. 

I found that while I appear content and happy, I crave so much more from my life. 

I found that every old story I have told myself, no longer fits who I am. 

And I found out all of this 

on the lake. 

For 6 days in Maine, we circled. 

 we laughed and we cried. 

 we shared our deepest desires and our darkest fears. 

For 6 days in Maine, 

I was seen. 

 I was heard. 

and I listened. 

I listened to the wise women surrounding me. 

I heard them as they spoke of their dreams and their insecurities.  

I heard them all. 

And they all heard me. 

We ate beautiful foods, 

we drank delicious cocktails, 

we made flower crowns, 

we went skinny dipping,

 we sang around a campfire. 

And we sang loud.  

We loved each other unapologetically. We asked for what we needed. 

And we all received what we thought we could not hold. 

We all received exactly what we needed. 

And we all loved with a love that made us all stronger. 

We loved with a love resembling the very circle we created.  

Limitless, unending and conjoined forevermore. 

Photo by Kelly Beck Bennett 

Photo by Kelly Beck Bennett 

These women have changed my life. 

They have made me see that I am exactly who I want to be already. 

I am more.  

And in these weeks following this retreat, I have proven this to be my truth. 

I have opened myself up to more. 

I have burned the candle at both ends 

but I have come out of it burning so much brighter. 

The candle is me. The flame is mine. 

And I will no longer dim it for anyone. 

I just recently celebrated my 38th year on this earth.

38 years of longing to belong. 

38 years of wondering what that looks like. 

38 years of searching for something, and was too scared to find it alone.  

But this is my year. This is my time.  

And I know now, I am safe.  

I know now, I am as free as I want to be. 

I know now, I am me. 

And 

#iamyou 

And 

I am home.