“One day I will find the right words, 

and they will be simple.” 

- Jack Kerouac

I began writing in my first journal when I was in the 3rd grade. 

 I wrote about a boy in my class borrowing my crayon. 

And that was all I wrote. 

Simple and to the point.  

Of course as I got older my entries developed in much more content and emotion.  

By the time I was in high school I was writing in my journal daily. 

Page after page of adolescent troubles. 

Boys, parents, boys, friends, boys.

Dissecting my emotions about it all. Trying to figure out why I felt the way I did. 

Trying to understand the point in all of it. 

Trying to understand myself.  

Back then the writing was easy. My pen would hit the paper and I would purge it all. 

Anger, love, confusion. 

Anything and everything came out of me and I never thought twice about it. 

I just let it flow. 

I just let it go. 

And it was easy. 

It was easy because nobody saw it. 

I didn't have to explain myself to anyone. 

I didn't have to feel any feelings of shame or embarrassment. 

I didn't compare my journal entries to other journal entries. 

I didn't look for how many "likes" I had. 

I just wrote. 

With no fear of who would or wouldn't comment. 

No fear of looking crazy, unorganized, or irrelevant. 

I just wrote. 

Something has happened to me since then. 

I don't write in a journal anymore.  

The most writing I do now is an occasional post on Facebook.  

Most of the things I have to say, I say to my husband 

or to my friends in the form of conversation.  

I have chained myself up. 

I have protected myself and my thoughts from cruelty and judgement. 

I have resorted to keeping everything safe, 

thoughts and ideas locked up in my own head 

so I don't have to own them or explain any of it to anyone. 

 But I miss having no fear. 

I miss the girl in 3rd grade who kept things simple and to the point. 

I miss the girl in high school who, without thinking, would just write. 

I miss the girl who always knew she had something to say. 

So here I am. 

Writing my first post in my new blog. 

Putting it all out there for the world to see. 

And I am scared shitless. 

But I am doing it anyway.  

  

No more talking about it. 

No more judging myself for it. 

No more chains. 

No more walking the tightrope.

I am here to let it all go. 

I am here to let it all flow. 

I am here and I am ready to tell my story.

I am ready to share my ideas. 

 I am ready to expose myself like the pinup on the swing. 

 Exposing all that I am and all I desire to be. 

Ready to rise above. 

Ready to elevate.  

And to get it all started 

all I had to do was write. 

Simple.